I Know That Loneliness Is Killing Me

I hate being alone more than anything in the world. I hate being alone with just me and my thoughts. I need someone to love me, someone to care about me. I have prayed and prayed for someone but my prayers go unanswered. At the end of the day, it's still just me. Alone. I do believe a person can die from loneliness.

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People who live alone are more likely to be in poor health and to die younger than those who live with another. I think that I have been lonely for most of my life. This is a scary. Not always easy to remedy. It is harder to rectify if you don't drive. People rarely offer lifts and so the loneliness goes on. Where has the hand of kindness gone? Looking out for others. I don't see any evidence of it. A sad commentary on our society.

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Part of me wants to stop feeling the way I feel but part of me is comfortable with the status quo.  Change is hard.  It's easier to sit back and feel sorry for myself instead of doing something about it.  I am trapped behind a wall.  A wall I built years ago to keep people out and protect myself.  Now I'm trapped behind that wall and don't know how to get out.

I have no close friends and have battled depression in the past.  I have a job but it's not a career.  I don't even know what I want to do with my life and at my age I think that's pretty sad.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just sitting by watching my life go by and counting down the days until it's finally over and I can be free.  I laugh and smile but it's all fake.

credit : experienceproject